When I started I like I made a policy decision not to write about things I don't like (which I've mostly stuck to). It's too easy to fall into the Mr(s) Angry trap and there's so much negative stuff around I didn't want to add to that. However, as it's I like's birthday month I thought I'd take a bit of time off and get all the things I don't like out of my system. Then we shall never speak of them again. There are things I'm sure that no one really likes (Jeremy Beadle sprang to mind) so I haven't included them but what really interests me are things that sit on the periphery of being liked, periodically knocking on the door trying to get in. Everyone must have their own - something that someone raves about that you feel you should like but just can't get into. The rest just get on my wick. As follows:

olives, aniseed, people who walk and read books at the same time, Nicolas Cage, Frank Skinner, The Libertines, conservatories, decking, personalised number plates, personification of fruit, potholing, Dairylea lunchables, embossed toilet roll, hydrangeas, pastel colours, The Impressionists, Belle de Jour, slugs, frogs, Jack Kerouac, Richard Brautigan, Sgt Pepper, paperback books that are just that bit too big, pierrots, Charlie Chaplin, cowboy boots, high heels, waiting, not knowing, hot weather, fig rolls, fly cemeteries, changing the duvet cover, going to bed early, stupid fancy sandwiches, things that aren't what they say they are, whingeing, Prada, Louise Vuitton, spin, legwarmers, ra-ra skirts, shirts tucked into trousers, trousers tucked into socks, novelty socks, novelty ties, socialising, rugby, rudeness, reggae, The Godfather, professional parents, working, running, vanilla, marzipan, Bulgaria, anything oversize, 4-wheel drives, 3 wheeled-prams, foldaway bicycles, Westerns, Radio 1, Radio 4, anything with aliens, anything with elves, Lord of the Rings, walnuts, biros, pointless cover versions, peacocks.

I came round to fig rolls during the plain biscuit renaissance in March. I wrote this about a year ago so would now add:

Malcolm Gladwell, Sarah Beeny, The Pipettes, Lost, most modern art, Is it Just Me Or Is Everything Shit? (and the general crapness agenda), this modern obsession with en suite bathrooms, what's happening to post offices, interactive museums, Leonard Cohen, yummy mummies, meanness, and hexagonal Smarties tubes.

I thought I would feel cleansed by this but don't really. I feel like Jimmy out of Reggie Perrin doing his Forces of Anarchy (wmv) speech.

I agree with so much of this (although so far I like the Pipettes - sorry!). I'd add children dressed in grown-up suits at weddings to the list if it was mine, plus noisy neighbours and people wearing trousers that are too short. Oh, and that fake walk you see some teenagers doing where it looks like they are limping, but they think they look "street".

Yes, you're right! They should all go in. And those wee bikes that teenagers have that look like clown bikes.

As for the Pipettes - I know loads of people that like them but someone said the words "Sheila's Wheels" and it's never been the same since for me.

You don't like Radio 4? Blimey. I have been told several time that I should start a blog full of my rants. I have at least one a day. But off the top of my head, I'll throw in: Littering, People Putting Their Feet On The Seats On Public Transport, Pub Refits, Swearing In Public, Bradford, Spiders, Celery, Spring Cabbage and erm, Baboons. There are many, many others.

Bradford? What's Bradford ever done to you? Funny you mention Radio 4. That's probably the most shocking considering what I do like. It's not really that I dislike it, I just have trouble paying attention to anything other than music on the radio. It is a bit plummy though.

Hi Anne. Good rant. After visiting the zoo at the weekend I've realised I can't stand people with children (or children generally, really). Bit of a shame, that being most of my friends. I've also got to an age where drinking beer from a bottle is particularly vulgar. At home at any rate. I can't listen to music in the morning, so I like Radio 4. I can't stand litstening to books on the radio though. Particularly as I cuaght a bit of "Small Island" on Radio 4 last night. Such a good book. So crap on the radio. Love, John xx

I'd forgotten that speech from Reggie Perrin. Wonderful.

I like marzipan. Where do you stand on marmite?


Some stuff I agree with, some stuff (less) that I disagree with and some that I'm ambivalent about.

But "personification of fruit"? What do you mean?

Anne - I refer you to Half Man Half Biscuit (always worth referring to) and their 'song' Breaking News :

We’re just receiving reports of an incident on a farm in Sussex, where a number of people have been arrested in connection with annoying the nation.

It is believed that the owner of the farm, a Mr Hibbert, has been co-operating with police and government officials, in a plot codenamed “Operation Less Pricks”, and kindly granted permission for the use of a 17th century tithe barn as a temporary holding place for those arrested.

Although not confirmed, we are led to understand that those already charged include

bus drivers who don’t wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop
taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door
people who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter - not stopping to think that it is the people who drop litter, not the council
a room full of drama teachers listening to Bjork
grown men with replica shirts worn over their jumpers, who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target
an assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrights who own Agas but don’t know how to use them
a musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article entitled “Microphone of the Month”
a woman who described herself as a little bit “Bridget”, a little bit “Ally”, a little bit “Sex and the City”, who chose to call her baby boy “Fred” as a childishly rebellious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. A bit of advice - call him Rupert - it fits. And besides, it’s a good name. Don’t be calling him Fred, or Archie, with all its cheeky but loveable working class scamp connotations - unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hill’s, waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbott
also being held is a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly
an amateur thug in camouflage trousers, whose Japanese fighting dog had run amok on a Swindon council estate
a man from the record company, who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music
Lisa Riley
continuity announcers introducing comedy shows
a pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they’ve written themselves
a group of football fans referred to as “Commodores” - as in “Once, Twice, Three Times a Season”, who feed sugar lumps to police horses at cup finals
an artist who says his next album will be more “song-based”
a man who informs people that he gets up at six o’clock every morning, and seems to want a medal
people who say they “speak as they find”, and are somehow proud of it
journalists who try to spell an interviewee’s laugh
an organisation who declared an awareness week for awareness weeks
and a council worker who had dropped litter
We’ll bring you more details, as they emerge.

Thanks one and all. What a torrent I've unleashed.

John - does this include your own kids?
Tag - I hate Marmite. I should have been on the list.
Dave - I mean when fruit has a face, or sometimes a body. Like the California Raisins that used to be in adverts. Gives me the fear.
Simon - thanks - that's amazing. Can't imagine what it's like set to music.

Just noticed that you'd put 'interactive museums' on the list. I couldn't agree more. And don't even get me started on the dumbing down of the BBC news.

Deep breaths, Gareth, deep breaths. Have they started putting music on BBC News? They've started doing it on STV and it's so loud you can't actually hear the newsreader. It's dumbed down alright.

Last week on their Labour conference coverage, one of the BBC reporters was asking delegates "when they'd see the back of Tony Blair". He had a life-size cutout of the Prime Minister with a calendar on the back (geddit?) so they could pick which month they'd thought he'd quit. I watched in disbelief with my sandwich frozen between plate and mouth. Lord Reith must be spinning in his grave faster than a steam turbine.

Cider with ice, fireworks, taxi drivers who beep their horns rather than knock on peoples doors, mashed swede, the radio show Quote Unquote, ties, wearing ID passes, Virgin trains, baseball caps, the Daily Mail, Thought for the Day on the Today programme, herbal teas, Robbie Williams, people who park their cars on the pavement, people who say they are vegetarians & then eat fish.

I could go on for a lot longer, but I do feel better for that already!

Anyone interested in John Hinde postcards may also be interested in 'Nothing to write home about', a book reproducing the cards from the 1960's through to the 80's and the genuine messages on the back. It will be published in April 2007. Some of the proceeds will be going to Carers UK. There will also be an auction of John Hinde postcards sent by celebrities at the book launch. Watch the website for further information. www.abadie.co.uk/postcards.

music on the news? what so that people know how to react? i also hate that 'poppy' kind of news that you get on some channels these days, like that '60 seconds' or whatever it's called, where they try to make news sound trendy - wtf?

i kind of agree about R4 but i still listen to it all the time because i can't stand DJ's (R6 is bearable though because at least they play some good music and they don't talk as much). one of the things i hate most on R4 are those plays with screetchy people in them - do they not LISTEN to them before they put them on? and realise that they are about to broadcast possibly some of the most annoying sounds ever created?

interactive museums - oh yes. the most interactive it should get is a button that you can push to illuminate the cases. who cares if kids learn stuff from interacting with it? surely that's what teachers are for. plus most of the stuff is always broken and covered in grubby little handprints. yuk.

and the pipettes! thank you! what a pile of over rated rubbish.

i'd like to add to the list, anyone who is pleased with themselves for any reason and wants everyone to know it. and people who think they know what's *really* wrong with you and try and tell you in a sage like manner because they once read a book and now know everything.

Thank you Guy, and Sharon. I enjoyed that!

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